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M:
so after you left this morning i watched a movie called happythankyoumoreplease
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M:
written, directed by, and starring ted mosby
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M:
can you guess how good it was?
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L:
ooooh no
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L:
WHY DOES THAT JERK GET TO MAKE A MOVIE
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M:
it's because of zach braff
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M:
now every douchey tv star gets to make one
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M:
so, anyway, the plot is
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M:
that he finds a young black child on the subway who's been in and out of foster homes
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M:
so he takes him in
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M:
i bet this is sounding great to you
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M:
you're probably thinking you should have taken the day off and watched it with me at 730 in the morning
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L:
hahaha
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L:
oh god
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L:
that's what you watched THAT early?
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L:
how have youi possbly been able to recover your day?
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M:
also, his best friend (malin ackerman) has alopecia
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M:
and she dates bad dudes all the time
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M:
until she finds a nice guy (the dude who played buster bluth)
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M:
who's sweet but kinda ugly
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M:
so she has to get over how ugly he is
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M:
and she has a very meaningful scene in front of a mirror where she takes off her head scarf very slowly
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M:
to reveal her bald head
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M:
poignant
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M:
and he has this cousin who gets pregnant by her doofy boyfriend
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M:
and then they have to decide whether they're going to move to LA because he has a job there
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M:
but she doesn't want to because "LA is different from new york and stuff"
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M:
and they have a dialogue about it that was ripped wholesale from annie hall
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M:
and then he just proposes to her even though they've been having problems
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M:
and they have a very important conversation wherein they realize that they could live anywhere
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M:
as long as they have each other and their unborn child to bind them
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M:
also did i mention that ted dates a girl whose name is mississippi
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M:
because she grew up in mississippi
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M:
but now she's a bartender/lounge singer
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M:
and she wouldn't sleep with him right away
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M:
so he proposes that she not just stay with him for one night
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M:
because one night stands are terrible
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M:
but she should stay with him for THREE NIGHTS
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M:
instead
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M:
so he gets keys made for her and shit
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M:
and the whole time this little orphan kid
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M:
who's a budding artist, by the way
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M:
is living on his couch, too
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M:
but later, ted gets arrested
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M:
because you can't just take a kid and keep him in your house
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M:
did i mention he's an author?
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M:
i must have mentioned that
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M:
and he's really good at short stories, but can't really put together a novel
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M:
WHICH IS A METAPHOR FOR HIS WHOLE ROMANTIC SITUATION
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M:
you certainly must be on board with this by now
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M:
i'll let everyone know that you said this should win all the oscars
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M:
because that's totally what you're thinking
